When grief stays sharp
Some parts of grief ease with time. Others stay exactly as they were.
You may still see the moment you found out. You may keep going back over what you said, or what you missed. Years later it can still hit with the same force.
EMDR can reduce that.
Available in person in Boca Raton and virtually for appropriate clients in Florida and New Jersey.
The parts of grief that stay sharp can be treated.
Two different things
Missing them, and the sadness that arrives without warning, softens slowly. That part takes the time it takes.
One specific thing often stays the same. The phone call. The hospital room. The last conversation. A thought like I should have known sooner. Ten years on, these can feel exactly as they did that day, and they can sit in front of every other memory of the person.
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Several of these can be true at once, including ones that seem to contradict each other.
Why time alone may not resolve it
Most of grief does ease as the months pass. One memory can stay at full volume — which is why a date, a song, or a smell can put you back inside the day rather than simply remind you of it.
This happens to people who are coping well and doing everything right. It means that one memory needs a different kind of attention than talking about it has given it.
My approach to grief work
Focused attention and bilateral stimulation help the brain process experiences that stay highly charged. We might target the moment you were told, something you saw, a final conversation, or a belief such as I should have done more. It lowers the distress attached to the memory. Your attachment to the person stays where it is.
A gentler EMDR-related approach that can reduce distress connected to a memory without asking you to hold it in mind the whole time.
Grief shows up physically. We can work with what you notice in your body so you can stay with strong emotion rather than shut it down.
A good deal of this work is talking about the person. Who they were, what was left unfinished, what you would say now.
What treatment may look like
What happened, who they were, and which parts keep coming back at full force.
Grounding and pacing, so that approaching difficult material stays manageable.
The moment, the image, the conversation, or the belief that carries the most charge.
As distress settles, earlier memories of the person often become easier to reach.
No. EMDR lowers the distress attached to a specific memory. What you felt about the person stays. Many people find they can think about them more easily afterwards.
Time since the loss matters less than whether a memory still carries its original charge. I work with losses from last month and from thirty years ago.
Yes. A long illness has its own hard moments — a diagnosis, a decline you watched, a decision you had to make. Those can stay sharp in the same way.
Numbness is common, and so is relief, anger, or feeling less than you expected. We start with what is actually there.
As much as you want to. EMDR can work with a memory without you narrating every detail of it.
Local, face-to-face care
Meet with Shaya in his Boca Raton office, accessible from communities throughout South Florida. Virtual therapy is also available to appropriate clients in Florida and New Jersey.
A next step at your pace
A free 15-minute consultation gives you space to say what happened, ask about my approach, and see whether working together feels like a fit.
Free 15-minute consultation
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